For most of us, the answer is, “Uhhhh….Never!”
The thought of “baring all” in public feels a little too revealing. Exposed. Vulnerable.
Most of us do not welcome this feeling, so we do what we can to avoid it. This means implementing strategies – seen and unseen, conscious and unconscious – for remaining in control. But this can cost you:
Vulnerability requires you to relinquish control.
No wonder we resist this so much!
Paradoxically, this letting go can open you up to experience more freedom and strength.
As a coach, this is significant for you: The most elegant and effective coaching is based in vulnerability.
Yes, the obvious implication here is that the coach must foster a safe space for the client’s vulnerability. However – unless the coach is also willing to be vulnerable, the intimacy between coach and client will be limited.
And – your bottom line can be severely impacted.
Here’s where all of this can get tricky: As part of the spiritual evolution of humankind, what constitutes “vulnerability” is also evolving and calling us to grow with it. The expansion into deeper intimacy – with self and with others – requires a deeper integration of vulnerability.
If you are operating from an outdated understanding of vulnerability or intimacy, it’s like trying to hike in shoes that no longer fit you. At some point, you feet will refuse to take you any further.
So here’s the question:
Are you living, loving, coaching, running a business – from within yesterday’s vulnerability?
How to tell: Begin to invite your awareness in this area. Look for indications, often quite subtle, that you may be limiting your vulnerability with a need to feel in control. Vulnerability will ask you to let go of the need to control.
In your coaching, notice whether you rush to outcomes or problem solving. This is one way the need to control can show up in coaching.
Is your coaching more linear or are you able to allow exploration that meanders a bit more? Do you get frustrated when your clients aren’t moving as quickly as you think they should?
Notice your questions in your coaching. Do you tend to use the same questions in most of your coaching sessions (because they are comfortable/familiar)? Or do you source your questions in the moment from your listening and the client’s language?
Do you get stuck and not know where to go in the coaching?
All of these can be indicators you are – at times – resisting a deeper level of vulnerability and intimacy with your client because of a need to control or to feel in control. Letting go can give you that rush of “free fall” which may be scary, but it is also freeing.
If this resonates for you and you want to take this conversation further, it may be time for you to explore Coaching With Love.
Another resource you’ll want to check out: My free monthly community calls, The Heart and Soul of Coaching.
In celebration of your evolving vulnerability, and the freedom it can bring!
PS: Resistance is such a rich place to play. Be sure to catch more on this thread on resistance.
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